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I bet little beats the feeling of tilling the earth (with respect to the concept of no-till gardening) naked. Ever since my wife and I started our garden, spring has been for me the best time of year to get my base tan, without wasting my time just frying in the Sun, or my money on tanning salons.

Of course, there’s a little drawback to getting my base tan purely from gardening, as that way I mostly only tan my shoulders, the back of my neck, my back, arms, and a portion of my legs. This leaves me with the most problematic area in terms of tanning – my torso – looking like cheese. But, I suppose, tanning half my body on the deck chair is faster and more comfortable than tanning my whole body on a beach towel.

I’m most unfortunate, however, that I cannot tend to our garden naked. Our garden is located on a slightly elevated spot in our village. It is placed just so that it’s possible to see nearly the entire village from there. Over the sloping rooftops, with strong binoculars or telescope, one could clearly see inside other people’s bedrooms, living rooms and such.

The unfortunate part is that line of sight works both ways. While nobody would ever see me zooming in their bedrooms through my telescope at night because the area is unlit (which would be voyeurism and I don’t do voyeurism), they’d clearly see a naked guy tending his garden in broad daylight. Which is a bit ironic. I could get away with something that’s bad by objective standards, but I’d probably be chastened for doing something that’s only perceived as bad (like displaying the human form for all humans to see).

I have considered fencing off the garden, but it would require a considerable fence to hide everything, since the garden is gently sloping towards the village. I’m thinking of planting some trees to create a thick canopy in the future, though that might make the whole thing look rather conspicuous. The Sun is normally shining from the other side, so this shouldn’t interfere with the growth of our veggies.

Our third option is to simply move the garden elsewhere, but we have yet to find a good spot. We’ll probably leave it as it is, since we’ve already built some raised beds and we don’t plan to move them.

So, lucky you who get to garden naked, but I suppose that’s one pleasure I’ll need to pass for now. Until I find a solution, I’ll keep on gardening barefoot, shirtless, and wearing the shortest shorts I can find. Maybe I’ll even drop those and put on my tan-through swimwear, though I don’t think the “micro” version I have will do. Those textillians are very specific about what they think is good enough to keep them from facing their fear of bare groin. They’ve got it down to a science!

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