Clothed diaries: Some of my initial fears about textile

I don’t know when I really started liking to wear clothes, but I remember that I was partly drawn to it by the sheer excitement of exploring the world without exposing my entire body to its elements.

While that is part of the truth, the other side which dragged me back (and another reason I refused to turn from my way to clothing) was the terror of being found in the midst of that exploration by someone. Back then, that “someone” were my parents.

Someone who doesn’t normally wear clothes may find that this was the same kind of fear they themselves may have had whilst exploring their sexuality, except this latter form of exploration would have ended fairly soon in comparison to my form of exploration. Though it wasn’t the same kind of thing (clothing and sexuality), the fear was the same – because at the time it may have seemed to me like it was the same kind of thing, having been brought up in a strictly nudist environment.

This fear both held me back and urged me forward. The reward was this overwhelming feeling of freedom as the harshest storms only gently caressed the full length of my body, protected from the elements for the first time in my life. But that reward came much later.

It came a long time after I put on my underwear before I went to bed clothed for the first time in my life, afraid of what would happen in the morning if I were to accidentally uncover myself during the night and my parents found me sleeping like that. Back then I didn’t know if I would have died of shame, or of being yelled at. Now I know that that fear was baseless, but it was there nonetheless, to be overcome.

It also came long after I dared to roam the house we lived in fully clothed, when nobody was home. In fact, the first time I ever went outside fully clothed was during highschool. One route home went right next to a lawn which was so well hidden in the middle of the forest that it was invisible from the road. That lawn was the first time I ever dared to put my clothes on. That lawn was the place where I made my first step outside the house, while wearing every piece of garment ever invented. That was where I overcame most of my fears regarding clothes, and discovered the beauty of playing in the snow without the interference of shivers brought on by the cold which overwhelmed their homeostatic purpose.

Rewritten Some of my initial fears as a nudist.